Somehow Everything Went Wrong
by The Hikari Within
Summary: I don’t know how it happened … I don't know what I did to deserve this fate. What God did I anger? What horrible deed did I do … to get stuck as a slave to the Host Club! RikuxKairi Kingdom Hearts and Ouran High School Host Club crossover!
1. Seventh Terrace of Purgatory

**Summary**: I don't know how it happened … I don't know what I did to deserve this fate. What God did I anger? What horrible deed did I do … to get stuck as a slave to the Host Club?! Riku/Kairi Kingdom Hearts and Ouran High School Host Club crossover! Rated T for mild language and Yaoiness (blame the twins)

**Hikari**: I'm sure I'm not the first one to come up with this idea … and probably not the last either XP but I thought it would be a cute idea and I wanted to try it … but with a different spin ((hopefully)). I have some interesting plot twists that you won't find in the anime ((or manga)) planned out, so that's just letting you know that I'm not following the anime to every last detail. Besides, don't you think that would get boring? Especially for those who've seen the show. Also, the characters will act more like the hosts they are impersonating from the anime while still retaining their own personality; this'll be more apparent in later chapters. Just thought I'd let everyone know. You may begin reading now! X3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Ouran High School Host Club. How sad … T-T

* * *

**Somehow Everything Went Wrong**

**Chapter 1: Seventh Terrace of Purgatory**

* * *

_Hello, my name is Kairi Funaki, and today has to be the worst day of my life. _

_It all started a few weeks ago when I received a letter stating that I was accepted into Destiny Academy. Don't get me wrong, it's a great school, one of the best, but I lived in Radiant Garden … not the Destiny Islands. So, since the school was paying for all the expenses, dad decided that my education was the most important thing at the moment and up and moved us to the island. It's hard trying to start over again, but since my father made the sacrifice of moving then it was only natural that I would have to make sacrifices too, right? _

_Once all of the unpacking was done, I realized that the next day was my first day of class and that my uniform the school had promised me two weeks ago wasn't going to arrive on time. So, instead, I picked out a cute outfit for my first day of class that would be appropriate and hopefully close to what the uniform actually looked like. But when I woke up this morning I realized that my internal clock had other plans for me. It decided it wanted to be a bitch today and struck me down with that once-a-month disease that all homosapiens with a uterus and ovaries – AKA females – get._

_I woke up cramping and ill-tempered, and when I spotted that cute little outfit I cringed. There was no way the zipper on that stylish skirt was going to zip over my bloating stomach. So, I slipped into a pair of comfortable baggy jeans and a loose fitting earthy-green sweeter before heading out the door. _

_Bad idea._

_It was easy to say that amongst the sea of uniform clad students I stuck out like a prep at a sci-fi convention. It seemed that no matter where I went everyone, and I mean __**everyone**__, was staring at me. And did I mention that I hate to be the center of attention? I didn't? How foolish of me …_

_To sum it all up, my first day wasn't a blast, and by the time my last class was over with you'd think that my day could only get better, right? Wrong. I decided to stay after school to work on my homework and maybe sit down with a nice book and read for a few hours, but no matter how hard I searched I couldn't find an open room without chattering students inside. Not even the library! _

_All I wanted was a place to study. Just a quiet room to myself. Was that really too much to ask for? I should have just gone home. It would have been quiet there. But I have this nasty habit of thinking that something good will always come from my misfortune. What was that called again? Optimism? Well, after today, I never want to be optimistic again._

_Why?_

_Because I entered the third music room … _

**…**

All eyes shifted to the door as it slowly creaked open. The six figures watched with curiosity as their first guest of the day entered the room. You could imagine the shocked expressions gracing their charming faces as a young _boy_ entered the room. He stood, dumbfounded, with an English book clasped close to his chest as his large, blue eyes scanned the room through his crimson colored bangs. He was lost, that was obvious, but when it finally dawned on him that he was standing in Host Club territory he made a hasty retreat for the door.

Luck, however, was not on the young boy's side as the door – his only escape – was pushed closed just inches before he could reach it. And there, standing tall and elegant, was a young male with kind aqua eyes and shimmering silver hair. He was beautiful, and he was blocking the young teen's escape.

"Funaki-san, correct? The new transfer student?" The male questioned with his smooth voice as he leaned in ever so slowly to the young boy until they were eye to eye and nose to nose.

The boy stuttered as he tried to back away, only to run into two solid figures, and, before he had time to think, he was captured. Arms were locked around his torso, keeping him in place, as both males leaned in close and smiled identical toothy smiles.

"Yeah, Funaki-san!" The brunette spoke up.

"You're in our class, right?" The other male, a blonde, questioned.

"Duh! Funaki-san was sitting right behind us!" The brunette spat at the other male before turning his attention to the frightened boy, "Do you remember us?"

"We're the Harada brothers," Both males spoke simultaneously.

"I'm Sora!" the brunette stated.

"And I'm Roxas," followed the blonde with less enthusiasm.

"Uh … y-yeah …" The student managed to squeak out, earning a devious smirk from the brothers.

"Oh, so you three have met before?" The silver-haired male questioned, "It's nice to know that that our charming young transfer student has already made a few friends."

"I wouldn't really call them friends yet …" Funaki muttered, mostly to himself.

The two males frowned softly before their identical blue eyes met. They were silent for a few moments as they studied their 'leader' and then the young student standing between them as the evil gears within their minds began to rotate. Their frowns slowly curled into mischievous smiles as a telepathic plan was formed.

"So, Funaki-san, I had no idea you were gay," Sora bluntly stated as his brother chuckled softly.

"G-gay? How am I gay?" Funaki shot Sora a confused glance before noticing the sparkle within the silver-haired teen's eyes, "I-I'm not gay—"

"It's quite alright, Funaki-san," The silver-haired prince spoke as he once again leaned in uncomfortably close, "The Host Club is here to serve everyone's needs, so there's no reason to be ashamed. In fact, you should be proud of the way you are."

"But I'm—"

"Now I must admit that you _are_ a little early," The silver-haired male continued without skipping a beat, "We still haven't finished setting everything up, but we'll do all that we can to make your visit a pleasant one."

"N-no I don't want—"

"What's your preference, Funaki-san?"

"… What?!"

"Your preference. What type of male host are you interested in?"

The silver-haired male snaked his arm around the boy's hip as he pointed to a young male with shaggy grey hair and a pale face illuminated by the glowing screen of his laptop, "That is Zexion Oonishi." After hearing his name the male's head rose as his steel-blue eyes peered over his angular, thick-rim glasses. "He's what we would call the 'Cool' Type."

Funaki was then turned slightly and forced to face another male who was setting plates and cups down at a table, "That is Xigbar Murakami, but we like to call him Xiggy." The silver-haired boy smiled at the nickname, but the said male didn't even bother to give the two his attention, "He's the 'Wild' Type." '_Wild?_' Funaki though, '_He's more of a silent type if you ask me …_'

"Next to him is Demyx Hideki."

"Hey!" Demyx chirped before he quickly approached the two. He gave Funaki a sweet smile while clasping the boy's hands within his own, "What's your favorite kind of cake?!"

Funaki stared up into the male's blue eyes before smiling back at the man. He wouldn't deny it … Demyx was adorable with his sparkling eyes, soft cheeks, and … was that a mullet or a mohawk? Funaki pushed the thought aside, "I'm not really into sugary sweets, but if I had to choose it'd be strawberry."

"Mmmm … Yes! Strawberry cake is one of my favorites too," Demyx proclaimed as he began tugging at Funaki's arm, "Come have some cake with me! I have strawberry!"

"Not now, Demyx," The silver-haired male spoke, "Funaki-san hasn't received the chance to view every type we have to offer."

Demyx frowned, "Fine …" However, the male didn't seem too down considering two seconds later he had pounced Xigbar and was riding on his back like a little child.

"Demyx is the 'Loli-shota' type," The aqua-eyed male explained, "He may not fit the type _exactly_ considering he's taller than most of our members and lacks childlike features, but isn't he just so adorable and innocent!" Funaki gave the male a small nod in agreement before he was turned once again to face the two boys he had already met before.

"And those two are the 'Little Devil' type," The male spoke as both Sora and Roxas flashed the young boy the 'V' for 'victory' sign, "Though it may not look like it, they _are_ twins."

"Fraternal twins?" Funaki assumed.

The silver-haired male gave the young boy a silent nod before spinning him around until he was practically tangled within the male's arms, "Or …" The male leaned in close once again as he stroked at the young boy's cheek, "Perhaps _I_ am more your type?"

"N-no!" Funaki gasped as he struggled to escape the male's grasp.

Zexion watched the two from the other end of the room before deciding that he needed a little more information about the gay student, so he summoned the two that knew him best "Sora. Roxas."

"Yes, Zexion?" The two questioned, leaning in on both sides of the male. Odd, he suddenly felt crowded.

Shrugging off the feeling, Zexion continued, "You said he's in your class, correct?" Both smiled before giving the male a nod, "Tell me about him."

"We don't know much about _him_," Roxas replied.

"Yeah, _he_ doesn't really talk a lot," Sora continued.

"It's almost as if _he_'s deliberately trying to avoid others," Roxas added.

"Interesting …" Zexion spoke as he turned slightly to face his 'leader' – also known as Riku Suzuki – and Funaki, only to find the young boy losing a pointless battle. Once Riku had his arms around someone there was no chance for escape … even though most of his 'victims' never tried to resist him. A smirk graced the young male's face. This was the first time he had ever seen such hate from a client. It was … amusing.

"Riku, I think—" Zexion's voice caught in his throat as he watched the young boy worm his way from the Riku's grasp. He watched in horror as the boy stumbled to freedom, only for his back to slam into a pedestal that displayed a small sculpture.

All eyes were now focused upon Funaki as he gasped. From the corner of his eye, Funaki could see the small – tacky – statue of a cluster of paopu fruits wobble from the impact, and he knew that it wouldn't remain standing much longer. Funaki quickly turned to reach for the statue, but he was too late. The porcelain item slipped through his fingertips and shattered against the floor.

Silence engulfed the room as everyone stared down at the shattered remains of what was once a_ very_ expensive item.

"You broke it!" Sora gasped, stating the obvious.

"What a shame," Roxas sighed, "That piece was going in the school auction."

"Yeah … the starting bid was eight million munny," Sora added.

"E-e-eight m-million?!" Funaki gasped, "Eight million? Seriously?" Funaki was unable to believe that _thing_ cost such an ungodly amount of munny.

"Seriously," the twins replied, smiling softly.

"Y-you really believe that's worth eight million?"

The twins chuckled, Xigbar's lips curled into a small smirk, and Zexion's left eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Like it or not, that's the price," Zexion grumbled as he tried his best to keep his cool, "And, if you don't mind me quoting an old saying, 'if you break it, you buy it.'"

"B-but I don't have eight million munny!"

"Then it looks as if you'll have to work for it," Riku stated, finally recovering from the event, "From this day forward, you, Funaki-san, are our personal _pet_."

"P-p-pet?!" Funaki screeched while the twins chuckled at his misfortune.

"Xiggy, have our young friend fitted in one of our spare outfits," Riku ordered as he tugged at Funaki's green sweater with a look of utter distaste upon his face, "Our pet has to be presentable to our guests."

"W-wait a minute!" Funaki gasped, "Isn't there another way?"

Zexion stepped into the conversation as he cupped Funaki's chin within his hand and examined the young boy's face, "It's possible that with the proper haircut Funaki-san would make a presentable host."

"I suppose …" Riku muttered as he swept a few locks out of Funaki's face, "His eyes are very beautiful."

"Yes, the rich blue is a nice contrast with the color of his hair," Zexion added, "and they are far more vibrant than the twins' eyes."

"Hey!" Both Sora and Roxas shouted, insulted by Zexion's harsh – but true – words.

"Um … I don't think I'm … _qualified_ as host material," Funaki muttered.

"Don't be so modest," Riku huffed, "You'd make a perfect host—"

"Over time," Zexion quickly added, "Funaki-san doesn't have any experience as a host."

"Yet," Riku stated as he flashed Zexion a sly smile.

"But for now he'll start out as a waiter," Zexion finished, his word being the final say. He didn't even give Riku a chance to argue as he wandered off to his computer.

"You heard the man, Xiggy. Find a spare waiter costume for Funaki-san," Riku ordered.

"Right," Xigbar spoke as he stared down at Funaki with his golden eyes.

Funaki swallowed the lump within his throat as Xigbar's eyes gazed over his petite figure as if calculating measurements within his mind before heading to a closet at the other end of the room.

"Roxas. Sora," Riku called the boys to his side, "See if you can't do anything about Funaki-san's hair …" Riku's eyes then fell on the twins' spiky-hair styles before adding, "but nothing too wild."

The twins grind, "As you wish, my lord!" And with nothing left to say they lifted Funaki off his feet and ran off to a corner of the room that was sectioned off by a curtain.

Still in his a dictator mood, Riku turned to Demyx, "Our lovely gusts will be here soon, Demyx, see too it that the remaining tables are set."

"But my cake—"

"You'll have time to eat your cake later, Demy," Riku stated before facing Zexion, "And you … just … keep doing whatever it is you do on that thing."

"Fine by me," Zexion replied as he continued to play a rousing game of solitaire.

Ten minutes later, Sora and Roxas had neatly trimmed up Funaki's hair. At first, Funaki was a little afraid to let the twins attack his hair with a pair of scissors … especially while they were bickering with one another on what style they should use, but once they agreed on just hacking off the split ends everything seemed fine. They combed out the tangles and styled it appropriately, and – for armatures – they did an amazing job.

After that he was shoved into the changing room with his new uniform, and though it really wasn't his style he put it on anyway. The outfit was simple enough with pencil-leg black pants and a light-grey vest over a dark-blue, long-sleeved shirt that was a little too long for Funaki, but he easily solved the problem by rolling the sleeves up to his elbows. And for the finishing touches he added a black tie.

Looking himself over in the mirror one final time, Funaki stepped out to of the changing room to find that all the tables had been filled with giggling school girls. Funaki inwardly sighed at the sight as he mentally kicked himself. He should have just gone home. It wasn't until a moment later when he spotted the cart of treats and with it a letter written in elegant handwriting that read:

_Pet,_

_You're job is to make sure that our beautiful guests waiting for a free host are treated with the utmost care. Make sure all of their needs are met. Offer them snacks and drinks, and be gracious to each and every one of them. They are precious to us …_

_Yours truly,_

_Riku Suzuki_

Funaki gave a snort as he stuffed the note into his back pocket before wheeling the cart into the crowded music room. He was making his way over to the waiting area when he took notice of the club members in action and how some had dramatically changed. The first was Zexion and the way his mouth would curl into a soft, pompous smile or the gentle chuckle of laughter that would escape his lips every so often. It was frightening to think that just a few minutes ago he seemed indifferent to the world as he typed away on his laptop.

Then there were the twins who couldn't keep their hands off one another. Funaki found it sickening to look at, yet the hopeful gleam within their fans' eyes was … sad but enjoyable. It was as if they were expecting the two boys to rip each other's clothes off and go at it on top of the table like wild animals.

Demyx seemed the same cheerful bundle of joy as before and Xigbar was still as silent as ever, but for some odd reason he was now sporting an eye patch over his right eye. The red-head was confused – for lack of a better word – but he dismissed the thought as soon as he caught sight of Riku. He seemed even more annoying than before while he caressed cheeks and whispered sweet nothings into the ears of giggling girls. It was obvious that he was the popular one, surrounded by at least six girls at a time, and it was also obvious why. He gave them just what they wanted.

'_Man-whore …_' Funaki thought to himself as he parked his cart next to a table of young girls.

"Hello ladies," Funaki spoke, catching the eyes of all the surrounding young women, "Can I interest you in anything?"

"Oh my," A girl with wavy, brown hair giggled, "I haven't seen you before. You must be new."

"I just started today," Funaki replied with a charming smile, earning soft giggles from the other three girls.

"What's your name?" The brunette questioned as her emerald eyes roamed the boy's body.

"Uh … just call me Funaki."

"Are you a host, Funaki-san?" A blonde questioned.

"No, I'm just a waiter."

"That's too bad …"

Funaki blushed softly before motioning towards his cart-o-goodies, "Would you like any snacks?"

"What do you have today?" The brunette asked.

"Um … it looks like I have sandwiches and cakes."

"I can see that, silly," The brunette giggled, "What kind of sandwiches?"

Funaki leaned to the side to peer at the ingredients between the thin slices of bread only to end up just as clueless as before, "… You're guess is as good as mine." This earned an eruption of giggles from the four girls.

"Then surprise me," The brunette spoke, as her eyes locked with Funaki's in a lustful fashion.

A nervous chuckle escaped from the frightened red-head as he quickly picked out a sandwich and sat it down upon the girl's plate, "W-would anyone else like a sandwich?"

"I'd rather have some chocolate cake."

"Oh me too!!"

"Can I have a refill of sparkling water, please?"

Funaki smiled warmly at the girls as he tended to everyone's needs, and it wasn't until he started pouring the water when someone began shouting his name. It was a very annoying someone. With a soft sigh, Funaki excused himself and slowly made his way to Riku's side.

"What do you want?"

"Isn't he an obedient little pup?" Riku chuckled as the girls around him giggled.

"He's so adorable!" one of the girls practically squealed.

"Oh, I know!" Another girl quickly agreed, "I think it's because he has a soft, feminine face."

Funaki's eyebrow twitched as he turned to leave but was stopped when a firm yet gentle hand grasped his arm, "Could you please bring the cart over, some of my lovely ladies wish to have their drinks refilled," Riku's smooth voice ordered.

"Of course …" Funaki sighed as he did as told.

The next few hours went by rather smoothly as Funaki greeted every guest and worked hard to make sure all of their needs were met, and all the while aqua-eyes focused solely on him.

"Riku," A young girl huffed, it was one of his needy guests, "Are you even listening to me?!"

Riku's eyes slowly drifted to the angry woman before him, "Of course I am," He lied while brushing a few strands of hair from her face, "I'm sorry if I seemed distant. I was simply daydreaming of a beautiful young woman with silky midnight hair."

A deep blush quickly flooded the young woman's face as she giggled ecstatically. Riku smiled down at her before placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead as he inwardly sighed knowing that he was safe, "Unfortunately, our time is coming to an end."

"Already?" The girl whined as her eyes fell on the clock, and sure enough it was five o'clock.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course!" the girl replied with a smile as she rose from the couch and Riku escorted her to the door; biding her farewell.

Once the host room was emptied, Riku casually approached Funaki and wormed an arm around his hip, "I noticed you were attracting a lot of attention."

"Mostly from you," Funaki replied as he continued to stack dirty plates onto his cart.

"I have to keep a watchful eye on my new son, don't I?"

Funaki sighed, "Listen, Riku, I'm not—"

"Funaki-san!" The twins shouted as they both practically tackled the poor boy.

"You did great for your first day!" Sora proclaimed.

"And you look so cute in your outfit!" Demyx added as he pushed past Riku and joined in on the hugging fest as he pulled all three boys into his tight embrace.

"Give them some air, Demyx," Zexion ordered as he watched all three boys struggle for freedom.

Demyx only chuckled as he released the little freshman from his grasp.

Zexion approached Funaki with an impassive expression present upon his face, "It seems that a large amount of our guests have taken a liking to you."

"I noticed that as well," Riku chimed in, "I think we should promote him to a host!"

"I was thinking the very same thing."

"C-can't I just stay a waiter?" Funaki suggested.

"You'll reduce your debt faster if you're a host," Zexion stated.

"Then … I guess I'll try being … a host …" Funaki grumbled as the twins grinned in amusement.

"Good …" Zexion spoke as he handed Funaki a school uniform, "Then you'll report back to us tomorrow immediately after class." It was more of a demand than a question, and Zexion didn't care to hear the boy's answer as he turned and headed back to his computer to calculate the profit that was made today.

"But right now you're still a waiter, and those dishes won't clean themselves," Riku spoke before walking off.

Funaki was ready to hurl a plate at the back of his 'master's' head, but someone stole the plate from his grasp before he could. The boy turned to find Xigbar standing behind him with a soft smirk upon his lips, "Trust me, it's not worth it," He stated as he began to help Funaki clean up the tables, "You'll only put yourself further in debt."

"Let me guess, these are fine porcelain plates imported from a far away land?" Funaki grumbled.

"Land of Dragons to be exact," Xigbar spoke, "And each is worth three hundred munny."

"I hate you rich snobs …" Funaki spat as Xigbar chuckled softly at the boy.

Thanks to Xigbar and Demyx, Funaki managed to wash every dish and cup in less than two hours, and though their hands were pruned they were satisfied with a job well done. However, Funaki's plan of confronting Riku and beating the living pulp from the twins was ruined when he realized that they had already gone home.

"See ya tomorrow, Funaki-san!" Demyx shouted as he left, followed by a silent Xigbar.

"Bye, guys …" Funaki sighed as he eyed the uniform that was given to him all the while thinking '_What a strange day …_'

* * *

**Hikari**: Chapter one is completed! Yay! And for those who are interested in the title of the chapter, or wondering why they hell I named it that then I shall explain. I first wanted to name it 'Seventh Circle of Hell' but then I began to wonder what the seventh circle was for because I had no idea. XP I found out that it's for those who've killed themselves, caused violence against others, and violence against God (Blasphemers!! That's a fun word to say! X3). So anyway, I decided that it didn't really go with the chapter or the story for that matter so I kept reading and found the Terraces of Purgatory, and guess what the seventh one is?! Lust!! For both heterosexuals and homosexuals!! XD So I just _**had**_ to use it cause it fit _**so**_ well.

And thus ends my exciting tale …

You may now review and tell me how much you like/hate it. Yes, I actually accept flames! But if you must flame me then please give me reasons as to why the story sucks. That way I can improve! Yay for constructive criticism!! Also, I have a tendency to read over my mistakes. Most are minor, but if you see any then feel free to tell me so that I may fix them.

Thank you!!


	2. Secrets of a Sort

**Somehow Everything Went Wrong**

**Chapter 2: Secrets of a Sort**

* * *

_I stood before my mirror the next morning and couldn't help but wonder why that young girl standing before me looked so … sad. Oh wait! Did I say girl? I meant __**boy**__ …_

_I know I didn't look my best the other day, but how could they possibly believe that I was a guy? Weren't they a host club? Shouldn't they – of all people – be able to distinguish a male from a female?!_

_My question was easily answered when my eyes fell upon the male uniform. Honestly, I didn't want to put it on, but after what happened yesterday … I refused to stick out a second time. I didn't want to dress like a guy either, but life – apparently – enjoys watching me suffer._

_Either way, I'm not letting the Host club continue believing that I'm a guy … The Harada twins' silly game is coming to an end, whether they like it or not._

**…**

Kairi Funaki entered the classroom with powerful strides. Her eyes locked onto two particular young men, one blonde and the other brunette. The brunette was currently focused solely on a hand-held video game to the point where he didn't realize how silly he looked with the pink, fleshy muscle poking out between his thin lips; obviously a sign of extreme concentration. The blonde, however, seemed bored as he watched his brother play from his comfortable seat upon his desk, and it was his lack of focus that allowed him to notice the young woman standing before them.

"Good morning, Kairi," Roxas spoke, snapping his twin back into reality as his blue orbs rose from his game.

"Kairi-chan!" Sora chirped.

"Ah, so now you're calling me Kairi," The girl calmly spoke, "I guess that I'm only the gay Funaki-san when you're other host members are around, hm?"

"We were only having a little fun," Roxas spoke.

"Yeah, we didn't expect our joke to go this far," Sora added.

"And yet you let it continue throughout the rest of the day," Kairi growled as she glared down at the two boys.

"If you're so angry about it then why are you wearing the male uniform?" Roxas questioned.

"B-because it's the only uniform I have!"

Roxas' lips shifted into a smirk, "That doesn't mean you had to put it on."

"True …" Kairi spat, "But that doesn't matter because this little game of yours is ending today!"

With that said Kairi stormed off to the back of the room and seated herself in a desk that was as far away from the twins as she could possibly get. A soft smile crept its way across Sora's lips as he gazed up at his brother, who was smiling as well.

"Too bad she'll still have to remain as Funaki-san," Roxas spoke, more to himself than his brother, "This should be another interesting afternoon …"

**…**

After her last class, Kairi headed straight to the third music room. Not because she was excited for her first day as a host – far from it – but because she needed to speak with Riku. She needed to set everything right. Luckily, as soon as she entered the room Riku was already there to greet her.

"Funaki-san!" Riku gasped, "You look like a genuine host member today!"

"About that … I'm not rea—"

"Ready to be a host?" Riku spoke up, finishing Kairi's sentence, "I know how you feel. I mean, we _did_ spring this on you just yesterday, but don't worry you're just nervous. With a little help and some practice you'll be perfect in no time."

"No, I don't—"

"You don't have time?" Riku once again interrupted, "Nonsense, Funaki-san, you have thirty minutes to practice until the guests arrive." Riku gently shoved Kairi down onto a couch before he turned and snapped his fingers in Sora's direction, "Sora, I need your help."

"How may I serve you, my lord?" Sora questioned as he popped up next to Riku almost instantly.

Riku said nothing as he sat the spiky-haired boy next to Kairi before speaking, "To be a host you must always remain kind and gracious to your guest. Always treat her with the utmost care as if she is the most prized possession in your life?"

"'Prized possession'?" Kairi gave a small snort as she glared at the silver-haired prince.

"One of my favorite techniques to use would have to be the upward gaze," Riku spoke as he quickly took a seat next to Kairi, propped his elbow upon his knee, rested his chin within his hand, and gazed upward into Kairi's beautiful eyes, "It's a very striking look, don't you agree?"

"Not really …" Kairi spat as Sora chuckled softly.

Riku felt as though his heart had been stabbed, but continued on anyway, "It's also important to keep your eyes focused on your guest at all times. It makes them feel like they're the center of attention, which they should be." Riku leaned back into the cushions of the couch as he cupped Kairi's chin within his soft hand, forcing her to look his way, "Gentle touches are an excellent way to get the blood pumping. A soft caressing of the cheek always does wonders to bring life back into your session."

Riku smiled softly as he let his fingers travel slowly across Kairi's jaw line, "If you wish to be more discreet there is always the 'accidental' touch when exchanging items, or maybe shyly tucking a few stray strands of hair behind the young woman's ear."

Kairi rolled her eyes as she turned away from the male, "How long have you been doing this?"

"Well, I started thinking about creating a Host Club in middle school, but really the idea began in—"

"No, I mean how long have you been a womanizer?"

Riku froze as his aqua-eyes stared blankly at the young _boy_ as if he had just been slapped across the face, "I assure you Funaki-san, that I'm _not_ a womanizer," Riku spoke as he tried desperately to keep his cool, but his voice became unusually dark as he continued, "and you'll make damn sure to remember that …"

The room seemed to fall drastically silent as Riku rose from his place on the couch. The male took a few deep breaths before flipping his silver locks and turning back to Kairi and a frightened Sora, "Where was I?" Riku asked himself before snapping his fingers, "Right! Now that I've taught you a few things I want you to take what you've learned and use it on Sora."

"What?" Both Kairi and Sora quickly gasped.

"That's why you called me over?! You're making me play the part of a woman?!" Sora shouted as his lower lip jutted out in a childish pout.

"Sorry, Sora, you just seemed like the perfect candidate," Riku stated, "I mean, you _are_ the submissive one out of your 'relationship' with your brother. It only seemed natural that you'd play a woman's role."

"I'm not submissive …" Sora whined as he tried – but failed – to defend himself.

"Even so, Funaki-san needs someone to practice on and since you're already here—"

"Don't worry about it, Sora," Kairi sighed as she rose from her seat, "This is stupid, and I refuse to participate."

Riku's jaw fell slack as he watched his newest host member walk off, "Funaki-san!" He shouted, "Get back here right now!"

His demands fell on deaf ears as Kairi fully ignored her 'leader' and decided to make use of her time by helping Xigbar and Demyx set up plates and cups around the many tables.

"Funaki-chan!" Demyx smiled as he lifted the girl off the ground as if she were a little child and hugged her, "It's your first day as a host! Are you excited?"

"Ecstatic …" Kairi sarcastically sighed.

Demyx didn't catch on to the sarcasm as he tugged the poor girl along while packing her brain full of tips, but Xigbar understood as he gave the girl a sympathetic smile. Unlike the other host members, Xigbar realized that little Funaki-san was far from being a male. He would admit that at first glance Kairi did resemble a young boy, but after a long hard look he began to notice the soft feminine features that her baggy clothes tried to hide.

"Demyx, can I speak to Funaki-san for a moment?" Xigbar kindly asked.

"Sure! But be quick! Funaki-chan's going to eat cake with me!" Demyx chirped before running off to the dessert table.

"Is something wrong, Xigbar?" Kairi quickly questioned.

"Just so you know, telling Riku that you're a girl isn't going to get you out of paying for the statue you broke," Xigbar stated.

"Y-you know I'm a …_ girl_?" Kairi gasped, overjoyed to know that at least one of the members didn't fall for the twin's ruse. Xigbar smirked at the sparkle of delight within the girl's eyes before he gave her a small nod, "Well, at least someone in this club isn't hopeless."

Xigbar chuckled before his tone became serious once again, "You do realize that you'll have to remain a host despite your _conditions_, right?"

"I figured as much …" Kairi sighed, "But I don't want the other members to continue thinking I'm a guy. As long as they know the truth then I'm fine with being a host until my debt is paid off … even if that means remaining a guy for the next four years."

"I just wanted to make sure you knew …"

"Thanks Xigbar," Kairi spoke as she smiled up at male.

The funny thing is that on the opposite end of the room, two other members were having the very same conversation.

"I need to speak with you," Zexion hissed into Roxas' ear while dragging him over to an empty table.

"What's up, Zexy?" Roxas questioned.

Zexion twitched at the nickname, but continued with his tasks in silence as he started up his laptop and pulled up a file, "Explain to me why the student records have our _pet_ listed as female."

Roxas let out a nervous chuckle, "Because … my brother and I lied the other day to stir up some excitement?"

"I thought as much …" Zexion sighed as he rubbed at the temples of his forehead, "Do you realize all the problems this will bring? And if the guests find out—"

"They won't find out," Roxas firmly stated.

"How can you be so sure of yourself?"

"Because I'm a Harada, and Harada's are always right," Roxas smugly replied.

"If something goes wrong I'm blaming you."

The blonde let out a heavy sigh, "I know …"

"So you'll be sure to keep this a secret."

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"I want that in writing …" Zexion spoke before he rose and walked off, leaving a confused Roxas behind as he tried to figure out whether Zexion was being serious.

Thirty minutes later the room was filled with giggling school girls. Kairi forced a smile across her face as she sat at a table with three other girls … who were staring intensely at her. Maybe she should have taken Riku's advice to heart. She quickly racked her mind for something to say until she remembered a simple tip.

"So … Ayame, right?" Kairi questioned as she turned to the blonde with her long locks pulled back into a stylish bun.

"Yep," Ayame smiled.

"Tell me a little about yourself," Kairi spoke as she gently laid her hand across the young girl's fingers, earning a satisfying blush.

"I'm a Capricorn and I play badminton. I'm one of the best on the team!" Ayame suddenly exclaimed rather quickly, "People say my best features are my legs! Wanna see?"

Kairi blinked, still absorbing the random information that was given to her as she smiled softly, "I don't have to look at your legs to tell that you are a lovely young woman." This earned soft sighs and a chorus of 'awwww' from the surrounding students.

Ayame's blush deepened as her hazel eyes quickly dropped to the table while the girl next to her spoke up, "You're so sweet, Funaki-san!"

"I only speak the truth," Kairi stated as her eyes feel on the brunette whose name was Hana.

"What made you want to become a host?" Hana casually asked.

"Honestly, I didn't plan on becoming a host," Kairi answered, "It was Zexion and Riku who pushed it on me."

"Do you like being a host?" The third girl, another brunette named Juri, questioned.

"Actually, it's not that bad," Kairi replied, "And being surrounded by lovely women is always a plus." This earned several giggles from the surrounding girls.

"I hear you're in the same class with the twins," Juri commented, "Are you three good friends yet?"

"Uh … I wouldn't exactly call us friends yet," Kairi muttered, "More like … work associates." The girls giggled.

"Riku says that you're new here, is that correct?" Hana questioned.

"Yes, I moved here from Radiant Garden a little under a month ago," Kairi answered, already becoming tiered of their constant string of questions.

"Really? My father owns a condo there," Juri stated, "Radian Garden is always festive around the holidays so we often visit for Christmas, New Year, and the Cherry Blossom Festival." Kairi smiled as she silently agreed with the girl.

"Was it hard to move away and leave all of your friends behind?" Hana asked.

"Of course. I miss them dearly," Kairi sighed, "But your company is more than enough to fill the empty void."

Across the room, Riku was smiling as the girls from Funaki's table awed in unison. He had to admit that his pet was doing an excellent job for his first day, and the clients seemed to be instantly attracted to him. Thought Riku couldn't blame them, Funaki was simply adorable. Heck, if Funaki was a girl then Riku would have been all over her too.

"Your newest member seems to be fitting in rather nicely," one of Riku's clients spoke.

"I know, I didn't expect him to do so well," Riku commented before adding, "This being his first time as a host and all …"

"How did you find Funaki?" a different girl questioned.

"It's nothing special really," Riku began, "I was on my way to the lunch room while Funaki-san was on his way out when we met. His cute button nose was deep within pages of the famous Shakespeare tale 'Romeo and Juliet' when we collided with one another. The poor boy's books went flying so I offered to pick them up for him … and then our eyes met." Riku paused for a dramatic effect before continuing, "And it was at that moment when I knew he would be a perfect host."

"You're a dork …" Kairi spat as she popped the silver-haired prince over the head with a metallic serving tray, "You shouldn't lie to your guests like that, it's rude."

"Shouldn't you be with your guests, Funaki-san?" Riku grumbled.

"What, I'm not allowed to serve my guests snacks now?" Kairi questioned, "I was just on my way to get a few sandwiches. Would anyone here care for something?"

"I'll take some vanilla cake."

"Chocolate cake for me, please."

"Me too!"

Kairi smiled down at the girls as she made her way to the snack table before returning with everyone's orders. It was then when one of Riku's clients asked, "So if Riku-kun was lying then how _did_ the two of you meet?"

"I stumbled across this room when I was looking for a quiet place to study," Kairi replied, "He thought I was a guest." This earned several giggles from the young girls, "Enjoy your stay, ladies." And with nothing left to say, Kairi went back to her own table with her tray of sandwiches.

"I like, Funaki-san," one of the girls spoke up, "You made a wise decision in making him a host."

"I know," Riku replied smugly.

**…**

Kairi was in the middle of an interesting conversation with her last guest of the day when she was targeted by the little devils. She was currently assisting her guest on choosing a new outfit that would be appropriate for a relaxing night on the town but still suitable to wear to one of her father's dinner parties when she felt a cold chill run down the length on her spine. Her 'impending doom' senses were tingling. Sadly, her senses were on the frits and didn't warn her ahead of time to allow her to escape. Before she even realized it, nearly identical shadows were cast over her frail figure … and it was in that moment when her relatively pleasant day went down the drain.

"Hey, Funaki-chan!" The twins spoke in harmony as they seated themselves on either side of the poor girl.

"Don't you have guests to entertain?" Kairi sighed.

"Nope, where're done for the day," Sora stated.

"So we decided to come bother you," Roxas spoke.

'_Joy …_' Kairi sighed as Roxas turned to Kairi's guest, "Did you know that Funaki-chan is gay?"

"Gay? Really?" The girl questioned as she turned to Kairi for an answer.

"I'm not gay …" Kairi grumbled.

"Really, then explain to us why you know so much about fashion," Roxas demanded as he leaned in uncomfortably close to the girl.

"Yes, do tell," Sora chuckled as he leaned in from the other side, putting Kairi in an awkward position and predicament.

"Just because I'm well informed doesn't mean I'm gay," Kairi spat in her defense, not wanting to lose a valuable customer thanks to the twins, "Do you know anything about fashion?"

"… No, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"See … not every gay man obsesses over what others wear," Kairi spat, "It's not nice to stereotype others, Roxas."

Roxas, for once, was at a lose of words as he slowly backed away from the girl, giving her back her space, "Well played, Funaki-san," Roxas spat as he rose from the table, "Come on, Sora, let's help clean up." Sora chuckled softly to himself as he followed his bother to their next victim.

"I never really liked those two …" Kairi's guest spoke, "I honestly don't see what's so attractive about a group of troublemakers. After all, one is bad enough."

"They're only having fun," Kairi replied, amazed that she was even trying to defend the two brats who got her into this mess.

"Even so, they were trying to tarnish your name, and if you ask me that wasn't very gentlemanly of them," the young woman spoke, "Why Riku chose them as suitable hosts is beyond my understanding."

"Still, they're my fellow members and I don't appreciate you talking about them like that," Kairi stated, "It's rude."

"Rude? You think _I'm_ rude?!" the woman hissed, "They were the ones spreading lies about you."

"At least they did it openly and allowed me to defend myself, unlike you."

"I didn't pay you to treat me this way!" the woman growled as she rose from the table and stormed out of the room causing quite a scene.

Zexion, who had heard everything, smiled softly to himself as he graciously deducted a small portion of munny from Kairi's debt. He'd wanted to rid the club of that girl for a long while anyway.

"What was her problem?" Sora questioned as the twins made a reappearance at Kairi's table.

"It's nothing …" Kairi sighed, now realizing that she had just lost a client on her first day.

"Yeah … nothing …" Roxas muttered. He didn't believe the girl but he wasn't going to push it, "A kid from the office stopped by. He wanted to give you this."

Kairi took the slip of paper from Roxas' hand before a smile swept across her face, "There's a package in the office for me. I bet it's my uniform!"

The twins smiled as they watched Kairi rush out of the room, knowing good and well that the following events were going to be _very_ _entertaining_.

**…**

The Host members had been cleaning up their room when the door slowly opened and caught their immediate attention as a young female entered the room. Her short crimson locks framed her rounded cheeks perfectly, while her deep-sea eyes sparkled in the sunlight that beamed through the open windows to softly kiss at her pale cheeks and rosy lips. Riku was awestruck by the young woman's rare, radiant beauty, but something was off. This young woman looked too much like …

"F-Funaki-san?" Riku stuttered as he stared at the beautiful _boy_ in disbelief, "I … had no idea you were a cross dresser … If it's any consolation you make a very lovely young … woman."

"That's because I am a 'very lovely young woman,'" Kairi snapped back as she held out her student ID card that clearly stated her sex to be female.

Riku instantly snatched the card from the girl's hand to examine it before turning to the other members … who all had some form of a smile upon their faces; not including Demyx, "You all knew about this …?"

"Duh," the twins chuckled as they stuck their tongues out at their leader.

"I can't believe you actually fell for it," Roxas snickered.

"I can't believe you actually thought Kairi-chan was a boy," Sora grinned.

"K-Kairi?" Riku stuttered as he eyed the ID card before turning back to the young woman … who seemed extremely pissed.

"That's Kairi Funaki-san to you," Kairi spat as she seized her ID card, "I'll see you tomorrow, Riku." And, with nothing left to say, Kairi left.

"You!!" Riku roared as he pointed an accusing finger at the twins, "That was a horrible joke to both Kairi and myself! Tomorrow I expect a sincere apology from the both of you!!"

"What about you?" the twins questioned, "You were the one who actually believed us and forced her into male uniforms! And now she's going to have to stay that way."

Riku froze in thought. Was it really worth eight million munny to keep Kairi in a male's uniform? '_Certainly not …_' Riku quickly answered. Just the thought of Kairi walking in dressed in the female uniform put a soft hue of pink upon his cheeks, "I'll drop the charges …" Riku finally spoke up, "Just as long as she visits every day and accompanies me at my table."

Yes, that was fair enough. A sly smile graced Riku's lips as the thought of Kairi at his side for the remainder of the school year in that cute, plaid skirt with the knee-high socks as she smiled up at him. Then he would be able to feed her strawberry cake and 'accidentally' get frosting on her cheek so he could lick it off for her. And when the club hours would end he would …

"No," Zexion growled, shattering Riku's peasant daydream, "She'll have to remain as a host and pay for the statue she broke. I'm not losing eight million munny to satisfy your pathetic fantasy."

"It's not pathetic …" Riku whined as he glared at the male, only to receive a cold stare in return, "But—"

"She stays as Funaki," Zexion firmly stated, ending their argument.

"Fine … but I get to make her the cross-dresser of the group …" Riku muttered.

"She already is," The twins chuckled before being chased out of the room by an angry Riku.

"There, there, Riku," Demyx spoke as he pulled his leader into a friendly hug, "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't realize that Funaki-chan was a girl either."

"Thank you, Demy," Riku sighed.

Demyx ruffled Riku's hair before releasing the male, "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"By, Demyx. By Xigbar," Riku muttered as he watched the two males exit the room, leaving him all alone with Zexion. But that didn't last long when Riku turned to the male and stared at him with his pleading aqua eyes.

"Get over it …" Zexion spat as he left.

As Riku stood within the third music room … alone … he wondered how in the world he could have mistaken Kairi for a boy. But there was no going back now … He couldn't rewind the events that happened yesterday.

So now … Kairi was considered a male by over half of the female student body … and she despised him for it …

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I, once again, do not own Kingdom Hearts or Ouran High School Host Club.

**Hikari**: Yay, another chapter is complete! Go me! Hmmm … I'm not sure if I have anything to rant about at the moment. Odd. Maybe I'll have more to say with the next chapter …

Anyway, Thank You to everyone who faved and/or alerted the story, and for the reviews! It makes me feel loved! -Huggles!!- X3

But ya know, that doesn't mean I don't want any more reviews. In fact, it would make me happier to get more reviews. –grins- Cause I know you love this story so much … okay I'm pushing it now so I'll stop. XP


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